Family Drama Queens

Family....Can't live with them, and they won't let you live without them. 

It is no secret to the people who know me, that I have not led a charmed life.  I grew up poor, with an alcoholic father and a mother who took off when I was five and left me to take care of said alcoholic father.  Thankfully, as much of a failure as he was at many aspects in his own life, he was a great dad.  He taught me how to survive and thrive in this world even if he couldn't do the same.  "Shit happens" was his favorite saying and I needed to learn that and did learn that at a very young age.  I learned how to get through the tough times and come back stronger than ever.

Maybe this is why I piss off people who have not been taught the reality of life.  The people that think bad things couldn't and shouldn't happen to them, and don't know how to deal when it does.  The funny thing is, as much as these people don't want to deal with bad things in there life, they tend to go out of their way to create chaos.  I have no sympathy for them and that's all they really want when they are crying about this, that and everything.

If this was a friend or acquaintance I would merely not talk to them anymore.  But what do you do when it's your family...by marriage?  I've already limited my interaction with my own family and now I realize that my husband's family is no bed of roses either.  Drama Queens run rampant in his family.  Mainly his mother and his little sister.  Two peas in a pod those two are.

So how do you deal with folks that are not only Drama Queens, but insist on creating situations in which you are supposed to feel sorry for them or turn situations around to make you look like the bad guy when you said what they didn't want to hear?  I am an extremely sympathetic person to people who have found themselves in less than ideal situations.  I am there to listen and to advise if they so ask for those things.  But when you are the cause of your own misery and you want me to listen and then give you advise....you are barking up the wrong tree crazy person! 

I will be nice, I will even listen and then, all you're going to get is what you don't want to here...THE TRUTH.  If you don't want to here the truth then don't talk to me.  I'm not here to help you carry on this fantasy you have made up in your head, where you're the victim and everyone should feel sorry for you.

Unfortunately, when the Drama Queens are family, and worse, family by marriage, things get a tad more frustrating and bunch more sticky.  And no matter how much you want to be left alone, they are not going to let it go until you move out of state (which is what I did with my family) or you concede that they are right.  And that's sure not happening in my house.

So, any and all Drama Queens be warned....You will not get sympathy, consoling or even an agreeing head nod!  Do not come to me with your BS because you will only get the TRUTH and the truth ain't pretty!

What Do I Want To Be When I Grow Up?

 

I am 35 years old, married, mother of two and I'm still wondering what I want to be when I grow up.  I'm sure I'm not the only one with this problem.  For most people who can't or don't go to college immediately after high school,  get thrown into the working world and squeeze ourselves in any where we can fit and make a living.  And while we may not love the job, we may be content or lazy enough to stick with it.  Until one day we wake up and realize that we are wasting our life.  We had dreams.  We had goals....What happened?

For me, I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I was 18.  When I graduated I enrolled in college and I was going to be a writer.  Then life intervened and college was put off a year.   I moved to another state and enrolled in West Virginia University.  Spent one semester there, got accepted to their school of journalism and then no more money.

Two years later I moved to Maryland and enrolled in the local county college.  Still set on being a writer, I signed up for a creative writing class, among other things.  The teacher was such a pompous ass as was my previous professor at WVU and I realized I couldn't make it through this major if I had to deal with these types of people.

I changed my major to photography which I loved.  Unfortunately it was probably the most expensive major I could have chosen, and I wasn't great at it...made A's but I new I didn't have the talent to make a career out of it.

So onto my final interest, Psychology.  I had always been curious as to how the human mind worked and why people in this world were so dysfunctional.  Dysfunction seemed to be all I lived with for so many years of my life and I believe I am very in tune with peoples emotions.  I find myself really wanting to help people see that they have different avenues in life and that they can triumph over the mental scarring caused by life.

I've got a number of credits under my belt, although some are unrelated to a Psychology degree, and I am planning on going back to school next year (after 10 years). I know that I want to eventually get my Doctorate which will tack on to the time I spend in school, and going part-time won't help my time line either.  I had considered changing majors again and getting a degree in business administration which is what I do now, but it is not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I torn between living my dream and doing the safe thing for my family.

So, I am going with my heart and living my dream, because in the end...it will be better for everyone. I will be happy and fulfilled, and when Momma is happy, everyone is happy...right?

Moving.....Again

One more month just south of Austin and we are moving to yet, another house.  Sometime I wonder if we will ever stay put.  Since my husband and I have been living together, we have moved 5 times in six years. Only one house did we stay in 2 years.

They are either not big enough, or the neighborhood became less than desirable, or we needed to downgrade to save money.  Only once did we move to another town (when we moved to Austin last year). Now our reason is that we live too far south of Austin.  Too far from work and too far from school.

I don't mind moving so much.  Packing and unpacking makes me want to pull my hair out, but I like the "fresh start" and new areas.

We hope to be able to build again, in the next 2-3 years. Once Abel starts working full time again.  Then I think we will be happy to stay put for a while.  We'll see. For now, house hunting has begun and we will be moved by the end of November.

It's Just Too Much

So being queen of the budget in my home, I have come to the conclusion that I need to look for alternative childcare for the boys.  I have them in a nice place two days a week while Abel is in school and it is breaking the bank and stressing me out beyond belief.

We initially put them there because we thought they had a private kindergarten program for Nicholas who missed the public school deadline of Sept. 1st.  Once enrolled we found out that was not the case and it was just your standard Pre-K curriculum.  While he enjoys the interaction, he is not learning anything he doesn't already know and they can't take him aside and teach him more advanced things than the other kids.  I think we are going to go back to in home daycare and hope that Nicholas will test into the 1st grade next year.

It really sucks that childcare can be as much as a mortgage.  If the government really wanted a good stimulus for the economy they should foot the bill for childcare and free up $1000 a month or more.

Since they only go two days a week we are going to employ grandma until we can figure out some other arrangements. I've talked to Nicholas and he doesn't seem that disappointed.  I think he is pretty bored there since he already knows everything they're teaching him.

Just another bump in the road.  It won't be the last.

A Perfect Day

In the hectic life of our family, I sometimes wish the day would just be over so I could start fresh the next.  The last year and a half has been a blurred whirlwind of craziness. So, when you have those rare days with no commitments and everyone is in an agreeable mood, you want to cherish it as long as you can.

My boys in their Cowboys gear!

Yesterday was one of those "Perfect" days.  I had the day off from both jobs and was feeling energized.  A cold front had blown into Austin and the 90 degree weather was gone and replaced with temperatures in the high 70s. The breeze was so nice we turned off the air conditioner and opened up the front and back windows.  We were all in a great mood.  We had a nice family breakfast followed by the Sunday marathon of football watching.  Lots of smiling, high fiving and tickles. Finished the day with dinner from the grill, story time and the oldest had craft time with daddy after little "bubba" went to bed.

It was truly a wonderful and relaxing day with the family.

What About Me!

I feel as though I am working too much and not reaping the benefits.  My kids started a, not so cheap, preschool last month and my husband is enjoying his time at school and I am just trying to stay awake through it all.  As noble a thing as I am doing, I can't help the resentment that creeps over me every now and then. I sometimes think it will never be my turn.

While I am a seemingly very patient person on the out side, I feel like I am bursting at the seams on the inside.  I want everything to go faster.  I want my husband to be done with school and be well enough to start working again.  I want to start taking classes so I'm not stuck being an office lackey for a bunch of spoiled "geniuses" or having to wait tables and deal with a whole other group of infuriating people. I've been serving others for way too long and now that I have the guts to tell people "No" and do things for myself, there is just no room to squeeze myself in to the daily grind.

And as I voice my grievances here, I immediately feel selfish and guilty for even having these thoughts.  My time will come.  I am a very rational person and I know that this is temporary, but I still want to scream, "WHAT ABOUT ME!!"

I went to college for a while, but haven't finished yet. I let silly thing get in the way of my motivation and this is the price I must pay now.  You live and you learn. The next time I get the chance, watch out world...nothing will stop me!

A Day at the Spa...OR.... Maybe a Whole Weekend!!

As I stated in my last post, Life is Exhausting!!!


I was checking my email this morning and received one from Ideeli.com about specials on spa packages at Lake Austin Spa and Resort. I have never been to a spa, but the more I looked at the website I thought to myself, "This is exactly what I need". Tranquil waters, rustic lodging, peace and quite. I think just being in that environment would boost my energy level ten fold.


I just want to veg out for a couple of days.  Read a good book, maybe start writing my own, get some fresh air and some much needed exercise. I don't even need all the massages, facials and body wraps. The spa would be a metaphorical soul treatment. The more I looked at the pictures and pictured myself in each one the more I felt the overwhelming need to get away for a couple of days.


It's just not possible though!  As much as my husband would have my back on getting the overdue rest, I would still feel guilty leaving my family to the same daily grind as always. I would want to at least bring hubby with me and that would just defeat the purpose. I would get no rest with husband by my side and not a kid in sight, if you know what I mean.  Husband and wife time is overdue as well.


Of course this resort is totally out of my price range. Three nights for 2 people is $2400, normally $4600.  $1470 if I go alone, not including food and any extras not included in the package. either way you slice it, I could never bring myself to spend that much money on myself.  I still won't let my husband by me my engagement ring almost three years post nuptials. I'm sure one day I will be a tad more selfish, but I expect that day to come well after the kids are out of the house.


For now I will just try to enjoy the chaos and try to keep my eyes open at the end of the day, long enough to read a few chapters of the aforementioned book.